2014, You Did Not Kick Me To The Curb!

The first day of the new year is in the books. It was lovely. Visiting with my best friend, Sophia Agbaje; sweet, sweet nephew, Will Smith, and his little lad, Julian. Sophia filled me up with great food, lots of laughs and plenty of reminders of why a 40-plus year friendship can't be diminished by time.

Another blessing: Got to spend time with my godson, Troy Morris, my "son" of almost 25 years. The occasions are too rare, so I really cherished our time together. Tomorrow I I'll see my other godson, Christopher Agbaje -- my heart. Hope to see my beautiful niece, Stephanie Smith. Her sweet mom, Valerie Duffan; and Grandmom, the elegant Ernette Reid; also visited on New Year's Day, making the holiday all the more special. In all, a great start to 2015.

In short, the first taste of '15 already suggests that 2014 will pale in comparison.

But...

I don't know if I could enjoy what I've enjoyed this holiday season if 2014 had not re-shaped all my notions of life.

What I thought I knew, about life and living, family and friends, all flew out the window that day last February when I learned I had breast cancer.

The invincible-on-the-outside, completely worn-to-a-nub-on-the-inside me, that person had to change or drown.

I could no longer pretend to be Super Woman. I was fooling no one but myself, anyway.

I had to realize that allowing myselt to trust was a sign of strength, not weakness.  To do so meant to break down walls four, five decades in the making. So when friends and family flocked to my side, I forced my eyes open in the first time in forever, and I saw what I really never had before: I was not alone.

Even though I had cancer -- the scariest word in the world to me -- deep down, I knew there was no danger of drowning. My sisters, brothers, cousins, friends in the "Fight Like A Girl" legions simply would not have it!

The loving helping hands were many.

Don and Judy Skwar, Cindy Carlone and her lovely mom; Len and Sherry Lampugnale, and brother and sister-in-law Hawk and Yinka Smith, never allowed me to take a step by myself to or from the walk-ups to surgical procedures, or the operations themselves.

Nicola Lange, Tracie Dickey, Lisa Saxon, Sophia, Yinka, Cindy, Pam Stec, Suzyn Waldman and Ginny Heilemann all had hotlines reserved for just me. Shoulders for my tears alone also came with the package! So, so many conversations, many deep into the night. But when your friends ring the world, there really is no darkness, because the sun is always shining somewhere.

Cindy Carlone “babysitting” me!

Even the written word proved beautiful. Thank you, Alfie Boe, Damian George, Michael Boe. Your encouragement will never be forgotten.
As for coping with a frightening disease for the first time, I was given so many ways to kick silly old cancer, its round arse is square to this day! To Pam, Suzyn, Lisa, Ginny and the remarkable Pete Cafone, your wisdom, insights and guidance were and are invaluable, your generosity remarkable. Love you as never before!

Just as important, I was not alone in the fight. I learned of colleagues, friends, family, fighting the same battle on their own terms. To Eiryl George, Shelley Smith, Carla Sassani DelVecchio, you continue to be inspirations to me.

And how can I begin to thank the many ESPN and BBWAA peers who never let me stumble, but simply beckoned me, welcomed me back to work? And Don and Becky Baylor, Willie Randolph, Dave Wi

nfield, Don Mattingly, you’re Hall of Famers-all when it comes to friendship!

Facebook family, my beautiful Alfie’s Angles, I simply love you all to pieces. You made our world a village where no one is ever forgotten or left to battle on alone.

Along the way through the toughest days of 2014, I not only listened to the voices of encouragement. I learned a lot, from others, from myself, about myself.

Learned to say "yes" rather than an automatic "no thanks" to offers of help -- anathema to those who've always thought they could do it all. And the result: gifts of caring, time and life saving beyond compare! Paul Hensler's supermarket and Sushi runs; Nancy and Ken Davis saving my dad's artwork when the basement flooded and I could not cope with the stairs; I cannot even assign value to such moments. All the gestures, big and small, simply meant the world.

 Along the way, I also learned to be just a wee bit selfish, integral to    living instead of just existing. I feel Josh and I crossed an important bridge. We learned to let go, to extract our baggage from each other’s lives. I love him as never before. He will be okay, because he’s discovering strengths within. I am no longer an impediment to his growth, nor is he to me. Onward!

Mostly, I learned that while I could be shaken by the setbacks -- the radiation burns, fatigue and fear -- the tough stuff wasn't the stuff that would undo me. Because it didn't. Bent me, but did not break me, shook me more than once, but did not sink me.

So while I am glad 2014 is over, while I would not ever want to revisit its issues, I can't say I hated that 365-day roller-coaster ride. I gained, learned, experienced, grew and lived too much to ever want to give what 2014 back brought into my life.

Love you, family and friends. Onward.

From lovely Jennifer Parr

From “Angel” Anna Fernandes